Carmen Viviane Bastien - Online Memorial Website

It's November 2023. I have avoided writing on here all these years. 
All the memories posted, stories shared, they lacked the perspective only sisters would have.

I remember the conversations we had leading up to your death. We both saw it coming, there was nothing I could do. I was not shocked when I was told, because I was prepared. I did not cry because I had mourned ahead of time. You were not afraid, so that was where I found peace.

We had a complicated childhood. It was more difficult than it should have been. We could have been closer, but we were pitted against each other by our mother. Thankfully as we matured we figured it out. We were not bad people to each other, we were groomed to suffer.

At every other stage of my life, I think back to our childhood. I had children, and I made a promise to make sure they did not grow up like we did. 

When my children call for me in the night, I am always there for them. I never comment on their bodies. I never insult their intelligence. I never pit them against each other. I partake in their hobbies, listen to their stories and ask them about their day. I welcome them to express their emotions without shame. I give them the freedom to be themselves and I have maintained my own identity. I treat them as equal to each other and they get the same opportunities. I view them as they are and not as I want them to be.

They are 6 now. The girl is full of energy, she has a similar sense of humor as you. She is an explosion of colour. She has my attitude with your taste for life and fashion sense. It's almost like the universe stuck the two of us together in one little girl. 

I see her and remember our conversations, the things we wished we had. Mourning the childhood we never got the chance to experience. Saddened by our dysfunctional upbringing. I am giving my children the things we missed out on. They get everything we truly wished for. I am putting in the effort to be the mother we should have had. And some days I swear you came back as my little girl to have that.

Won’t Forget About You

I can’t speak I cant think all my mind seems to do is focus on you. It’s so damn tough, hard to reach, hard to come to any conclusions at all. I miss you so I miss you a lot I wish one day I will see you again. But for now all I can do is visualize of a world with you here.

I can’t believe that your gone, I can’t believe that you truly left us. I try to understand why did you go, but all of this doesn’t make any sense at all. I want you to come back and open your eyes. I want to hear the sound of your voice again. But all I can do is say good-bye and not forget about you. I wont forget about you.

There is nothing I wouldn’t do to look back and see your eyes looking into mine telling me everything is ok. I wish I could go back and change what was written. I wish I can go back and fix things between us. Maybe if I’ve chosen a different path none of this would have happened.

I can’t believe that your gone, I can’t believe that you truly left us. I try to understand why did you go, but all of this doesn’t make any sense at all. I want you to come back and open your eyes. I want to hear the sound of your voice again. But all I can do is say good-bye and not forget about you. I wont forget about you.

Why does life have to be so damn complicated and so damn cruel. Why can’t we live in a world where everything seems to make sense? I don’t want to let you go, I can’t seem to let you go. Just please hold out your hand and don’t let go. I’m down on my knees pegging you to open your eyes once more.

I can’t believe that your gone, I can’t believe that you truly left us. I try to understand why did you go, but all of this doesn’t make any sense at all. I want you to come back and open your eyes. I want to hear the sound of your voice again. But all I can do is say good-bye and not forget about you. I wont forget about you.

Tears keep filling my eyes when I think back to all the fun times we had. The car rides, the card games, chatting away about nothing. The times we fought, the times we laughed, the times when we said nothing at all. You cheered me up when I was down I always did the same. And now you’re gone, and I miss you so much, words cant describe it.

I can’t believe that your gone, I can’t believe that you truly left us. I try to understand why did you go, but all of this doesn’t make any sense at all. I want you to come back and open your eyes. I want to hear the sound of your voice again. But all I can do is say good-bye and not forget about you. I wont forget about you.

Goodbye Carmen,
I miss you more then you’ll ever know. I can’t change the past between us, though I wish you knew that I truly was sorry. I never forgotten all the advice you gave me, or the times you helped me out. You were an awesome person and a great friend I just hope you know how much you mean to me.
R.I.P

It has been a year since Carmen left us. She was one of the hearts of our family. Like her sister Tanya she had her own way of dealing with life. Tanya said to us after she passed that she did everything she did to the fullest, because she never knew how long she had. Now we are left behind to ponder her journey with us. Despite the medical problems and the usual arguments she never lost the child like ability to love. Any animal or pet she had or interacted with always felt at ease with her. Even a Gerbil we had would run across the couch, up her arm and sit in her chest and kiss her on the face. She was a creature of empathy, an angel with a broken wing and a dirty nose. That wing is no longer broken, but lets hope she can still get a little dirty having fun. Carmen never gave up and never will.

I remember when Carmen moved to Nova Scotia. It was right after Halloween and she was in my grade 5 class. I shared my candy with her and we soon became best friends. Halloween was our favorite time. I used to sleep over all the time and her family was so kind to me. We talked on the phone for hours, used to make fun of my sister, tell dumb blonde an Micheal Jackson jokes.  She was always so funny and happy in spite of all she went through. During the darkest time of my life Carmen moved to Ontario and I was barely speaking to her. Ill never forgive myself for being a bad friend to someone who had shown me nothing but kindness. We got back in touch and last spoke in August, 2006. God bless you Carmen, I love and miss you.

I remember the first time I met Carmen. I was outside and I heard someone yelling. I looked around to see where the noise was coming from and then I saw a little girl on the ground across the road. She had fallen off her bike.  I  ran to her and helped her up. I asked her what her name was and where she lived. As we walked back to her home together I will never forget her looking up at me and saying thank you for helping me. That was back in the early 1990 's. As I got to know Carmen and her mom better I learned about the challenges she  had to go through. Carmen was one of the strongest people I ever knew.  But most importantly she had a big heart and she cared about everyone who was in her life. I know that Carmen will live on in those whose lives she touched. We are all better people for having known her.

I look back n I remember my favourite moment with Carmen, was when she was out with her father fishin and I asked her to come along from a car ride with Sam and I. Well we took a trip all the way to Ottawa, and when we were comin back Sam took a detour to Toronto, well actually we didnt make it to Toronto cos Carmen clued in that we were goin the wrong way, but what a hilarious trip that was. Another good time was the little flasher boy from the Catwalk, I remember Carmen insultin the kid so he would go away, cant believe that didnt work.. I also remember when she read my palm, she said she could see me as a step mom, who knows maybe I will be. I also remember playin cards with her and Jackie, what fun nites, I also looked frowards to them, and not to mention what a huge appetite Carmen had, like wow Id thought a person bein small and thin like she was, whe wouldnt eat much, but WOW was I wrong, she was like a cookie monster but thin, it was kool. Another good memory is when Carmen, Tabby and I would go to the Point sit in a car, and insult all our exs, that was fun times. I will always remember that laugh, the smile she always gave me, and how she never gave up on me, and for knowin her I am thankful. Miss u Carmen

Good Bye to a dear friend

 

My friend Carmen was 22 when she passed away but lived a life to be proud of. She accomplished so many things from the first time I meet her. When I first meet her she was a shy 14 year old girl l with a big voice and a beautiful spirit and taught me how to trust in people. For people who didn't know her or knew her later on she was in a wheel chair. I didn't know it then but she was a young girl with big obstacles but a never give up attitude.

 

When we became closer friends she told me there was something she had to tell me and it was a conversation no 14 year old should have to say. That being a best friend I had to realize she was going to pass away someday. Of course I gave the usual answer we all pass away but she said it could be sooner then later and she told me about her neurofibromatosis, tumors and cancer I was in shock but I reassured her she would live to be an old woman in the same nursing home as me and got her to cheer up.

 

She inspired me to be a better person and that life is what you make of it, so make it a good one. If I ever questioned anything in life she tried to find me the answer but that’s who she was a giver and asked little in return. I knew her 9 years give or take a year. I found she had an excellent judge in character.

 

When we meet up after her college days it was after me and my ex broke up she gave me a hug and talked with me she cut her hair and she no longer had her wheel chair I almost cried when she said she stopped using it. That was and is still one of the best memories I have of her that I hope to carry for ever. We would go to bars together and do usual teen and young adult things having fun along the way I like to think she forgot her worries at least for a little while and had fun. One thing I can say for shure is I always had fun with Carmen she was and still is my best friend.

 

I remember my first time trying to work up the nerve to dance in a club me, Carmen and Jackie were in shots because we got bored at the stag and doe party I found it to girlly and Carmen was just bored so we went to Shots. Here me and Jackie where all scared and nervous and where’s Carmen? Out on the dance floor shaking what her mama gave her laughing her butt off and having fun. lol she wasn’t going with the beat but I think that’s what she intended to do making us realize that it doesn’t matter what you look like on the dance floor as long as you have fun. Isn’t that all that matters?

 

Another bar memory was the night we went to the Warehouse, then to Jackie’s boyfriend’s house now her fiancée’s old apartment, then to Yogi’s. Where we meet up with a few army reserve guys got them to buy us some drinks us being cute and all. But who approached them? It was Carmen she taught me not to be shy what’s the worst that can be said? The night was great till we decided to go hang out side for a smoke and someone I can’t remember who said I like that car what’s the license plate number? So being me and tanked I walked over and read the license plate number then learned another lesson when drunk things are not as far away as they appear. I was only like 3 parking spaces away but it looked like I was by the far side of the parking spot so I sat in the middle of the road Carmen yelling come back here Jenny I yelled no it’s to far and she laughed. I didn’t know why then a car was coming and I just sat there she was worried yelling get out of the road I yelled back meh car’s are more afraid of you then you are of them and laid on my elbows Carmen yelled back no that’s bears and I yelled back no Carmen were talking about cars not bears focus for a minute. So she laughed again and a guy walked over to get me cause I was about to sleep on the middle of the parking lot. 

 

Then I lost my memory on April she kept asking how it was holding up and if I remembered anything and telling me the stories of our past describing in such great detail not once loosing her temper at me. Just showing me kindness and compassion. I still remember the last thing she said to me on msn she said she was going to find me a man at that point I thought I was a lost cause there were few people I cared about or remembered and the relationships I had meant nothing to me after my ex fiancée. I figured why care if someone can do that horrible crime agent a family that cared so much? Then the night after Carmen’s funeral I was so upset and nothing at the same time. I felt horrible I didn’t make it in time to help be a pallbearer but was happy the speech went well. So that was a good thing. So I went to hang out with a friend now my boyfriend one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever known a guy Carmen kept saying I deserved but never got as a almost good bye party for Carmen. I feel Carmen In a weird way hooked us up I know its weird to see someone write that but its how I feel. I guess what I’m saying is I think no matter your faith a family member or close friend watches out for you and a determined person like Carmen keeps her word. So as a thank you to my close friend for being such a great friend and teacher in humanity  I gave her the one thing I looked so hard to find for years my Jade necklaces hoping it brings luck and happiness in her next life like the happiness she brought in to my life and many others.

I remember when I first met Carmen; I remember like it was yesterday. She invited me over to watch movies....I was a little nervous about meeting her in person...we met online beforehand through a mutual friend of ours. But when we finally had the chance to talk face-to-face, there was an instint connection between us. She read my palm and knew things that no one else could possibly know. From then on, we were inseperable; like two peas in a pod.

 

Carmen and I became instint friends. We had our share of tough moments, but we always went back to each other. I made decisions that she did not always agree with, but again we still managed to keep that friendship going. She helped me through a difficult friendship that I was going through with another friend. She was basically my shoulder to cry on and for that, I will be forever greatful.

 

I will always remember Carmen as goofy, smart, intellegent, strong willed, determined, and an all around good friend.

 

You will always be in my heart Carmen....I will forever love you!  

Well I met Carmen at a leadership camp called RYLA 5 years ago. Over the brief time we were in Peterborough, we talked and hung out alot and then exchanged info and kept in contact. I visited her and she came to see me and I remember we went fishing with my dad and Carm caught a catfish (nastiest looking thing) and realed it in a little too quickly, and the top fin sliced my thigh a bit (have a scar) she felt bad but was so happy of her fish and when it came to killing it, she bashed it so many times in the head with a rock but the stupid thing would not die...It was funny to see the tail flopping around. She was so fun to hang out with, never a dull moment. We were a crazy duo. I'm so thankful I talked to her the night before her tragic death and she was happy, which puts me at ease.  I'm gonna miss you so much Carmy, we talked about what our futures would have been like (marriage, kids, travel etc) and we'd always be a part of it and although physically you won't be present, in spirit you will be and I know you'll be happy. RIP my dear

love always,

JOJO

    I remember when I meet Carmen we meet threw a mutual accuatance and didn't know what to expect about the other. But when we met there was a instant conection.  We talked about what we thought the other would be like and laughed. 

 

    Not everything with carmen was great. Me and her endured great hard ships togeather at school where we meet (not wheel chair accessable) and bars with ignorant people are at a all time high. Some people would make rude comments to me  people would stare at times and Carmen would get upset. But like they say people fear what they don't understand!!

 

   But there were also good times like when i saw Carmen after not seeing her for 2 years she didn't need her wheel chair i almost cryed i was so happy she over came so much and just so up lifting and happy you could never get a better friend then her in a million years. Carmens last goals were to get her neack cleared up with a special pill she was saying and to no need her braces. I was and am so proud of Carmen.

 

    She was and is still my insperation like she is or should be to us all, If you read her story she over came so many odversaties. If we learn one thing from he I hope yours will be the strength of will and inner strength.

 

Carmen I miss you so much after you left I didn't know what to do I felt so alone and  scared for a while I hope I can help others like you helped me.

 

R.I.P.

Love ya girl

 

 

 

My dear sweet girl. The first time I found out she was inside me, was the happiest day of my life. The first time we had our eyes meet, and I touched her cheek.  Her first, smile, her  first words,  first walk. I was so proud of her every time. Even after all her surgeries,  and chalenges  she  always bounced back . I was  releaved every time, when the doctors said she came out of it ok. I always was happy when she recovered. She graduated colledge, and lived her life as any young woman of her age.

Then when we helped her move, we made plans , for Christmas. She picked her furniture at Ikea. and was so  happy,  Then 3 weeks later we had to choose her coffin, and an ern. Instead of spending labour day weekend as a family, we spend it planing her funeral.   The new smell was still in her apartment..Her smell of her perfume, her shoes and braces where she left them, and her dishes of her last meal. 

The worse day of my life  was when her dad told me she was gone, part of me left when she died. The child I raised, and had so much to give  and smiled even after all she went through, the plans for spending christmas in her place. Now there ill be an empty space at the table, as well as in my heart. Mom feels empty with out you baby girl.

She made sure we did not drink coffee any were but in the kitchen and not on the carpet. She had her computer room, and all the brand new IKEA furniture we bought for her. Carmen also loved the balcony as she could sit there and watch things go by. Being close to the mall made easy so she would not have to walk to far. She loved her place and was so proud of it. She finally reached independence but was robbed of her future poor sweet girl. Dad misses you so much.